The Future Starts Here: Helping Your Child Settle into a New School

Whether they are beginning primary school, moving up to secondary school, or joining a different school because the family has moved, it can bring a mixture of excitement, uncertainty and worry.

Some children settle in very quickly. Others may need several weeks, or sometimes longer, before they begin to feel comfortable in their new surroundings.

There is no single correct way for a child to respond.

As parents and carers, we naturally want to solve every problem for them. However, one of the most helpful things we can do is remain calm, listen carefully and let them know they do not have to face their worries alone.

A new school can mean getting used to unfamiliar buildings, different teachers, new rules and new routines.

Children may worry about making friends, finding their way around, managing their schoolwork or knowing who to ask when they need help.

Even positive changes can create anxiety.

A younger child might worry about being separated from their parent or carer.

A child starting secondary school may be concerned about moving between classrooms, remembering their timetable, carrying the correct equipment or travelling to school independently.

Older children may appear confident while privately worrying about fitting in, friendships, bullying or academic expectations.

Children do not always have the words to explain how they are feeling.

Instead, their worries may appear through changes in their behaviour.

Your child may become quieter, more withdrawn or unusually tearful. They might become irritable, angry or argumentative, or begin having difficulty sleeping.

You may notice changes in their appetite, or they might regularly complain of headaches or stomach aches, particularly on school mornings.

They may become reluctant to go to school, lose interest in activities they normally enjoy or appear unusually tired at the end of the school day.

Some children may begin behaving in ways they had previously grown out of, while others may frequently say that nobody likes them or that they cannot cope.

These changes do not necessarily mean that something serious is wrong.

Starting a new school can be physically and emotionally tiring, and temporary changes in behaviour can simply be part of the adjustment process.

However, changes that are severe, continue for several weeks, become worse, or begin to affect everyday family life should not be ignored.

Creating opportunities for your child to talk can make an enormous difference.

Asking, “How was school?” will often produce a one-word answer, such as “fine.”

More specific but relaxed questions can make it easier for your child to share what has happened.

You could ask them what the best part of their day was, who they sat next to at lunchtime, or whether anything made them laugh.

You could also ask whether anything was confusing or difficult, and if there is something you could help them with tomorrow.

Try to choose a calm moment rather than questioning them as soon as they walk through the door.

Some children need time to unwind, have something to eat or enjoy a quiet activity before they are ready to talk.

Car journeys, walks, cooking together or bedtime can provide natural opportunities for conversation without making your child feel as though they are being interviewed.

If your child shares a worry, it can be tempting to respond immediately with advice or reassurance.

Sometimes, however, they need to feel heard before they are ready to think about a solution.

You might say, “That sounds as though it was difficult for you.”

Or, “Thank you for telling me. Let’s think about what might make tomorrow feel a little easier.”

Try to avoid dismissing their concern by saying, “There’s nothing to worry about.”

The problem may appear small to an adult, but it can feel enormous to a child.

Instead, acknowledge how they feel while gently reminding them that settling into a new school takes time.

Children often feel more secure when they know what to expect.

Simple and predictable routines can reduce stress and help them feel more prepared.

The night before school, you could check their timetable together, prepare their uniform and equipment, and make sure their school bag is packed.

You could also discuss how they will travel to school and agree on what will happen when they return home.

Keeping mornings as calm as possible can help your child begin the day feeling more confident.

During the first few weeks, allow extra time so that a small delay or a missing item does not turn into a crisis.

Your child may also be more tired or emotional than usual. Quiet evenings and a regular bedtime can be particularly helpful while they adjust to their new routine.

Try to notice and praise the small steps they take, rather than expecting everything to go perfectly.

Perhaps your child asked a teacher for help, spoke to someone new, found the correct classroom or managed something independently for the first time.

Recognising these achievements can gradually build their confidence.

You can also practise unfamiliar situations together.

With a younger child, this might involve practising how to ask to use the toilet, or what to do if they cannot find something.

An older child may benefit from practising their journey to school, learning how to use their timetable or thinking about what they could say when introducing themselves to someone new.

If you are concerned, speaking to the school early can help prevent a small difficulty from becoming a larger problem.

Depending on your child’s age and circumstances, you could contact their class teacher, form tutor, head of year or pastoral support worker.

You could also speak to the school’s Special Educational Needs Coordinator, commonly known as the SENCO, if your child has additional needs or is struggling with some aspect of school life.

Explain the changes you have noticed at home and ask whether the school has observed anything similar.

Teachers may be able to arrange additional support, introduce a buddy, provide a safe place at breaktime or ask a member of staff to check in with your child during the day.

If you believe your child may be experiencing bullying, listen carefully and reassure them that telling you was the right thing to do.

Make a written record of what your child has told you, including dates and details where possible, and contact the school promptly.

Most children gradually become more comfortable as their new environment begins to feel familiar.

However, consider seeking additional help if your child’s anxiety continues, becomes worse or seriously affects their sleep, health, school attendance or family life.

The school may be able to provide emotional or pastoral support. You can also speak to your family doctor or another appropriate professional for further guidance.

If a child talks about harming themselves, says they do not want to live, or appears to be in immediate danger, always seek urgent professional help.

Settling into a new school is a process, rather than something that happens in a single day.

There may be good days followed by difficult ones, particularly during the first half-term.

Your child does not need you to have every answer.

They need to know that you are available, that their feelings matter and that problems can be discussed and worked through together.

With patience, reassurance and the right support, a place that initially feels strange and unfamiliar can gradually become somewhere your child feels safe, confident and ready to enjoy the next chapter of their life.

The Future Starts Here is a series from My New Future, sharing practical ideas to help individuals and families approach everyday challenges with greater confidence.

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